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 Post subject: Re: prison buddy
PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 3:59 pm 
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Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.






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 Post subject: Re: prison buddy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 3:39 pm 
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Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks ...
"Honey, I've been thinking ... now that we are married, I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face!
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
Tim replies, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife?!!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!!!"
Tim continues loading & responds, "I wasn't."




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 Post subject: Re: prison buddy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 8:30 pm 
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One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"




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 Post subject: Re: prison buddy
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 7:25 pm 
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There were two guys coming back from a fishing trip when their car just happened to break down in front of a mansion. After a phone call to their insurance company they decide that the best course of action was to approach the mansion and see if they were able to spend the night there.

They knock on the door and are greeted by a man in his fifties. After explaining the situation to the gentleman he hastily agrees to let them stay the night on the condition that they don't sleep with his twin daughters. The men agree and proceed into the mansion where they are then introduced to the twins. They were Absolutely stunning. Later that night after the girls father was asleep the two men snick into the girls room and slept with them.
The next morning just as the two men were about to leave the father asks them if they slept with his daughters. The men both drop their heads in shame. The father then instructs them to go out into paddock and pick 100 of their favorite fruit.

The first guy comes back with 100 cherries.
"Now I want you to shove them one by one up your ass"
" I'm not bloody doing that" replies the guy.
"You will do as you are told"
The guy then reluctantly starts to shove the cherries one by one up his ass.

He gets to about 30 and lets out a chuckle and 3 or 4 fall out. He continues to put them up his ass but as he does his laughter increases. He gets to 89 cherries and burst out laughing and they all fall out.
" What the **** is wrong with you mate, this is suppose to be a punishment?!"
With a bit of a chuckle the guy replies " Well you see, my friends out there picking watermelons!"




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 Post subject: Re: prison buddy
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 1:40 pm 
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A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas
Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.
“We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like
hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then,
don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're
coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'




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